The run for the Top position!!!! Always····

I tried to hide my tears from my four year old son after his name was missing from the announcement of the first four rank holders .This was the tournament for Martial Arts aspirants of in and around Boston at all levels. He came back to me and said, “Don't worry mom, I will get the 1st position in next tournament for you“ and he meant business this time around. The statement was a bit annoying to me as if he wanted to win the trophy just for my happiness and as though it did mean much to him.

The following day, his statement was bouncing back and forth in my mind. Simultaneously I failed to understand why my son didn't win the trophy inspite of his outstanding performance throughout the year. His teacher had once mentioned admirably that it was amazing to see a four year old kid remember all the steps of one pinon (one pinon is a “Form“ in Martial Arts which has so many moves in a particular sequence) with perfection.

Then what could have been the reason for his shortcoming during the tournament. Moreso when all other kids were also not proficient with the sequencing of steps, but then whatever they knew they reproduced flawlessly. Oh···.now I knew ···.the stress was the culprit. It was probably rooted by me, unknowingly inside his brain. I remembered the day I signed him for this tournament. I was all excited as this was going to be his first official tournament. I wanted him to win because I knew he can do it. So I made sure that he does practice every single day of the month prior to his tournament. I worked really hard to pep up his mood as he was a little boy to understand the importance of the event. Even the last night before the tournament I saw through his performance to be doubly sure of his success. Before the tournament, he was all playful to see so many children of his age at one place. But I was a bit too serious and had to force him for the final practice before the tournament began. I made him understand that he could play some other time and now is the time to focus on the event.

This flashback helped me realize that my son was the victim of my high exceptations. Now I was all set to reverse my role. I stopped assessing him and behaved casually during his Karate practice sessions. I successfully made him realize that he was coming to Karate class to remain fit and lead a disciplined life. Moreover it was an opportunity to interact with the kids of his age. I even stopped asking about what he was doing in the class though I would always be there to share if he had anything to tell..I wanted him to take the lead regarding his learning. I became a silent observer. Infact I stopped asking him to practice at home. But then if he felt the need to practice at home I was always by his side regardless of my busy schedule. It took a whole year for him to figure out that no one will be pressing him hard to perform the best.

Now the time had come for the real test···.not his but mine as to how successful I had been in not passing him the undue stress to over perform. Last Sunday was the day when he had to perform during the tournament. He was five years old now. I was shocked when he reminded me to take mouth guard and groin protector before heading off to the tournament. I had completely forgotten and without these two things he wouldn't be allowed to participate in the tournament. And there was no time for last minute purchases. I was happy to see him take the lead and act responsible for what he wanted to do. As usual he was again playing with his friend before his turn. I had to control myself from telling him that he should at least practice once before his turn. There was no need to make him feel the pressure. He went to the court and as if he has come to have fun with so many friends of same age and interest. He was all playful and talkative sitting in the tournament court. Even he was not very alert for his turn. He played without anything bothering him. He gave a satisfactory performance when called for. sThe Judges announced his name for 2nd rank; I stood up to take his photos and had tears rolling down. This time around thankfully they were not for his 2nd rank but for saving his childhood from performance stress. He told me later that he thought he could get the 1st place if had shown his anger (required in Karate while performing the forms). I thanked to GOD that he did not say that he wanted to get first place for my sake. Still I kept quiet as 1st rank no longer was my happiness. I need my son to enjoy every single moment of his life without the stress for performing the best.

Needless to say, performance comes spontaneously and effortlessly when you do things with an open mind and are passionate about what you are doing. ENJOY WHAT YOU DO···.and then the rankings are nowhere in your mind and no longer bothering you.